Sam Spike for President?
Sam Visits Oprah Winfred

Sam

The following episode first aired on October 14, 2012

Oprah: Letís all give a big Oprah Winfred Show welcome to Sam Spike, the doggy detective!

Audience: Enthusiastic applause! (and some whistling)

Sam: Thank you Oprah, Iím happy to be here. In fact, Iím so happy, I feel like jumping up on your couch! But Brain advised me that wouldnít look ďPresidentialĒ, so Iíll try to refrain. (smiles)

Oprah: (laughing out loud) Ok, Sam Ė thatís probably good advice. (Oprah leans in and whispers) ďI actually like to do that myself after the cameras are off, so feel free to join me then!Ē (Sam smirks and nods his head)

Oprah: I understand that you are going to run for President in 2016.

Sam: I havenít made that decision yet. Iím being encouraged to run and the initial response has been overwhelmingly positive, but I still have serious reservations.

Oprah: Such as?

Sam: For one Ė an animal has never been President before. And even if an animal could overcome that hurdle, I have to ask myself:  ďAm I even the best candidate from the Animal Kingdom? I just donít have that big of an ego to believe that I am.

Oprah: Thatís all part of your irresistible charm Sam! Itís one of many reasons that the public adores you! Letís ask the audience; should Sam run for President?

Audience: Enthusiastic applause! (some are standing and whistling Ė even the camera crew and off-stage help are clapping)

Sam: (blushing, and wagging his tail; faces the audience) Iím embarrassed and just donít know what to say . . . thank you all very much. I love you too!

Oprah: (waits for the crowd to quiet down) Ok, now for some serious questions. What do you make of this story with Princess Kate and the naked sunbathing photos being published?

Sam: I havenít really thought much about it. Is this something you believe a potential presidential candidate really needs to comment on?

Oprah: Good point: and no, not necessarily. But itís topical and something that my audience is interested in today. Sometimes we get clues to a candidateís personality and thought processes by asking them questions that arenít that serious or donít pertain directly to political matters.

Sam: Fair enough. (pause) To tell you the truth, I was actually trying to dodge the question because I donít have a popular opinion on it and I didnít want to start off by differing with your audience and possibly offending many voters. (smiles, nervously taps his foot)

Oprah: (pause) Umm, Sam, You still havenít answered the question.

Sam: Well, I certainly donít condone the invasion of privacy or the publication of the photos. But first and foremost, what comes to mind is that I place the primary blame on Princess Kate!

Audience: (Murmuring and chattering, many angrily disagreeing with the statement)

Oprah: (clearly surprised and sounding a bit annoyed) Sam, why do you say that!?

Sam: (sternly) Because itís 2012 and if you are the Duchess of Cambridge, then you voluntarily signed up for these situations. You should know going in that the only time youíll ever have the reasonable expectation of privacy is when you are indoors with the blinds closed at a secure location. Once YOU decide to step outdoors naked, YOU HAVE to expect that there WILL be photos taken and published! No matter where you are in the world, you should expect that there will be a helicopter a mile away from you, with paparazzi focusing a telescope on you, taking pictures. So given that reality, a reality that you damn well should be aware of, you only have two legitimate options in this situation.

1. You decide to never go outside in your birthday suit, or.

2. If you do get naked outdoors then you DONíT complain when the pictures hit the news!

You shouldnít have the option to complain about it afterwards, never mind talk about suing people over it! Itís about taking personal responsibility for your OWN actions and willingly suffering the consequences of those actions, especially when those consequences are, or should be, fully known to you beforehand! Not taking responsibility for your OWN actions and playing the victim card instead is one of the primary problems with Human society today! Dogs donít do it and thatís one more reason why Humans could benefit by having a dog as their President!

Audience: (jaws dropped, clapping, cheering, whistling and then a full standing ovation!)

Oprah: (stands up, faces the audience: palms outstretched, with a look of amazement on her face. After a full minute, she turns back toward her guest)

Sam, in all my years doing this show, Iíve never seen anything like this! In the span of one minute, you turned an audience that was almost fully against you into a group that is cheering you wildly!

Sam: (smiling) I love it that most Humans know how to respond to a reasonable argument. Oprah, you have the best audience!

Oprah: Thank you Sam. Youíre right, Iíd be nowhere without my audience! (patting Sam on the head) I hate to leave right now, but we have to take a short commercial break.

 

(after the commercials)


Oprah: I have incredible news! During the break my producer informed me that the Nelson ratings show that right now we have the largest TV audience ever assembled in the history of daytime television! Interest is so high that my website and several others have crashed because so many people are trying to look you up or comment on your campaign! What do you think about that?

Sam: I am surprised, but not completely. Brain warned me that this could happen. Itís mostly because of the novelty of the whole thing. Itís not because thereís anything that special about me in particular, itís just the huge curiosity factor thatís driving the response. Simply being on your show catapults me into the mainstream. But once the novelty wears off and people get used to seeing a dog run for high office, Iíll start to get judged on my own merits as a prospective presidential candidate. I suggest we continue with the interview as if itís just a normal day.

Oprah: (smiling) Ok, Iíll try to ignore the current level of hysteria surrounding us and get back to business. My next question is: Do you think itís fair that a dog could become President before weíve even had our first female Chief Executive?

Sam: No, I donít! And Iíll give up any idea of running if you announce right now that you want to become the first female POTUS! And Iíll endorse you myself right on the spot! (Sam stands and waves his arms, leading the audience to chant: Oprah!, Oprah!, Oprah!)

Oprah: (laughing hysterically) Sam! You hot ticket! You always know what to say! I love you! (Oprah playfully rubs Samís belly)

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